


all these things at the same time

by Small_bump



Series: imagine what it would be like to kiss you [1]
Category: Video Blogging & YouTube RPF
Genre: Incest, M/M, before they were big on youtube, i don't know what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-27
Updated: 2013-04-27
Packaged: 2017-12-09 16:02:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/776083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Small_bump/pseuds/Small_bump
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the one where Jack's depressed, Finn tries to make it better somehow, and they spend a lot of time hugging.</p>
            </blockquote>





	all these things at the same time

**Author's Note:**

> This is gonna be a series, this being the first.

001.

Finn needs to learn how to mind his own business, that’s how Jack see’s it. They might be twins, but really their quite different in a lot of way, and the fact that Jack can stare into his brothers eyes and feel the familiar bond, and a clear blue that match’s his own does not mean they are the same person. Finn is more careful, a little less sure. While jack throws himself head first into the situation – with an attitude of act now, questions later. In this retrospect they are very different to each other, but most can’t look past the physical resemblance, it pisses Jack off to no end. 

002.

“Jack”

“What?” he asks, turning his head to his right, he catches glimpse of his brother’s shadow in the corner of his eye “I thought you were too busy pacing back and forth to pay me any attention?” he laughs. Their exam results were about to be posted, and Finn had spent the better half of the day worrying. Jack on the other hand, had made a video, fooled around with his sister, and played video games. It wasn’t that Jack didn’t care about his exams, of course he did. University was something Jack wanted quite a lot, maybe not as much as his brother, but certainly enough for it to mean something to him. Jack’s just, Jack his playful and doesn’t see the point of spending the day stressed out and worried. So he doesn’t, he lets Finn worry for the both of them. 

“Don’t be such a prat.”

003.

There are moments when Jack hates Finn, he tries not to. He knows it’s wrong, and he even knows that it isn’t Finn’s fault. He knows all these logical things, but as he starts at the computer screen he can’t help but be illogical because he just isn’t bloody fair. Why should Finn pass? Why should Finn get to spend his gap year parading around Europe and having fun, while Jack stays at home and studies? 

It isn’t fair, and because life can be unfair and cruel he blames Finn, because he needs a physical tangible object to direct his hate too. 

“Are you okay?” his brother asks as he comes to stand beside him. Jack reacts, slamming his laptop closed in one swift action “Brilliant” he lies, and really he doesn’t know why he bothered doing it because they can always tell when the other his lying, it’s a twin thing as annoying as it is. Jack does it for himself, and Finn seems to pick up on that because his simple “okay” leaves a lot unsaid between the two. 

004\. 

For the first few days Jack dances in the limbo of denial, not really wanting to believe it. His heart hurts, and he feels mad at himself, because these are just exams after all – he shouldn’t be reacting this badly. He wasn’t Finn, didn’t have his life all planned out to a tee. This shouldn’t hurt so badly, but it bloody does.  


Lying belly first on his bed he skims through twitter, trying not to think about anything else expect the pointless tweets from celebrities he couldn’t give a toss about it. His brain just won’t comply. 

He huffs, closing his laptop. He sits up and crosses his legs, staring straight ahead at his poster covered all “this is just no fair” he whispers. It’s a thought his been having a lot lately and the more time passes, the more it seeps in, that Jack did really fail his exam, and will have to take extra classes on his gap year. He doesn’t think he can even really call it that know, a gap year is meant to be time away from school, this was more of a study year, or an extra school year. He shakes his head, extra just makes it sound worse. 

005.

“Do you want to do something?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, anything other than sitting on the couch watching telly would be fantastic” Finn remarks, and Jack grunts in response “no one is asking you do stay with me, you have other friends call them”

“You know that’s not what I meant” Jack watches Finn frown, a frown that matches his own down to the lines which form in the middle of his forehead. He sighs than “look I’m sorry, I’m just not in the mood to do anything that involves leaving the house” he leaves out the part of not wanting his scent of loser to be rub off on anyone. He doesn’t need the pity especially not from his brother. 

“You’re never in the mood nowadays” Finn pouts, he fiddles with the hem of his jumper starting down as his khaki pants “are you mad at me?”

Yes.

“No Finn it’s not that”

“Than what is it?”

Jack can’t even explain it to himself, so he doesn’t bloody know how to go about explaining it to someone else. He opens his mouth, but words refuse to leave his throat. Instead he picks up the controller from beside him, running his fingers across the bottoms, liking the slightly sticky feeling “it’s complicated” he mumbles.  


Finn doesn’t respond.

006.

It’s been five days since his failed, five days of doing nothing, and Jack thinks it’s about time he starts acting like an adult, instead of a two year old. The problem is acting like two year old sounds so attractive to him right now. He wants to just lie in bed all day and not contribute anything to society expect maybe making the line at star bucks on person shorter.

Finn seems to have other plans, because at eight am sharp his banging on Jack’s door, demanding he gets shower and dressed and goes to the shopping center with him. “No I’m sleeping” is his grumpy reply hugging the pillow against his chest.  


The door creaks open, and Jack can see his brother slim form slip from the door, walking over to the bed “you can’t spend the whole day in bed” 

“Want to bet?” 

“Come on Jack” Finn whines “I’m bored, and it’s summer, we should be doing something fun!”

“You have all year to do something fun” he reminds “you passed remember?” He should really feel worse about that one, but he can’t find it in himself to care, can’t find it in himself to feel bad about the hurt that flashes in his brothers eyes for a moment at the harsh comment. 

“Oh” is all Finn says, he slips his shoes off, and Jack watches as Finn cuddles up close to him. They don’t speak, just watch the telly. It feels nice, and Jack finds himself leaning into his brother’s comfort. 

007\. 

“You haven’t made a video in a while” Finn comments over breakfast, one week into summer. Jack shrugs his shoulder, it’s true. It’s been a while since Jack’s uploaded anything, he’s too worried to log on and see how many followers his probably lost. But what’s he going to talk about in his videos know? The whole point of the channel had been to post interesting events from places he was going to visits on his gap year, hence the name ‘jacksgap.’ Now he was stuck in dull London, and it seemed pretty pointless to make video’s now. 

“So?” he asks.

“Nothing…you seemed pretty excited about making them a few weeks ago” 

“And I was”

He closes the conversation there.

008.

It happens after two weeks, he cracks and cries and really he knows his being over emotional about this, but he had all these things he wanted to do, and all these things he wanted to try and explore and now it’s all ruined. His sitting on his bed when it happens, he cracks and let’s all pretences go. Tears make tracks down his face and he makes a sound that sounds like a strangled cat. 

His so caught up in being upset he doesn’t even realize that someone else has stepped into the room. He just feels warm hands that look like his own, but feel so very different wrap around his waist, pulling him backwards until his back is pressed against Finn’s sturdy chest. “Shhh” he hears his brother hush, gently into the shell of his ear. It makes him want to sob more, cry until no more tears come out. “It’s going to be okay I promise you’ll see.”

009.

They don’t talk about it, the crying that is, Jack goes back to speaking short, sharp sentences to Finn and his brother just accepts it. Maybe because he knows that’s what Jack needs, or maybe because he just doesn't know what else to do. Jack isn’t sure.

“Finn...”

His brother turns to face him, from where his standing in the doorway, hands stuffed into his pockets “can we talk?” he asks, his voice unsteady. Jack hates feeling this way, hates when his stomach twists and pulls, epically around his brother, because it never used to be that way.  
“Yeah?” 

“I….” 

“It’s okay Jack, you don’t have to say anything – we’re brothers, we have each other’s backs right?” Finn smiles, in that way he knows a lot of girls adore. His heard those whisperings in the corridor as they passed by, back at school. His stomach flips again “yeah of course”. He walks over to his brother, and sits down on the bed. Finn’s playing call of duty on his laptop, the games passed, right at the bit where a rifle is directed at the screen, obviously right about to kill Finn’s character. His brother had always sucked at computer games, it was the reason he loved playing with him. Easy bait. 

He places his hand right on top of Finns, crawling over to cuddle up to him. He feels Finn’s chin rest against the top of his head, and allows his eyes to close shut. He likes the feeling of being wrapped up in Finn, loves the feeling of safety that Finn always brings him. 

And last he loves Finn, in every way that counts. 

010.

Jack can’t shake of the feeling of being sad, it’s been a month, and the feeling still swarms him, eating away at his insides. 

Finn helps, and hurts all at the same time.

Jealousy, range, hurt, love, want – all muddled together and he feels all these things at different times depending on the where, when, and the who.

It’s complicated, because there’s one thing Jack wants more than to have passed his A’s and that’s to kiss his brother and he doesn’t know how to feel about that.


End file.
